A Flawed Pursuit

I ran across the phrase “a flawed and imperfect pursuit” in my Bible study this morning, and it stuck with me. The study this week is, fittingly, over Sarah. I’m starting to think I share more with her than a name. She had control issues, liked to take things into her own hands, loved the Lord but often doubted His power…hers was a dedicated pursuit, but a flawed one. Oh yes, I share quite a bit with my namesake.

For most of my life I have been the ‘good girl’, making the right choices and doing what I should. It was a title I was proud of, until it started to chafe. The past few years, I’ve realized, have been a precarious balancing act between wanting to continue being the ‘good girl’ with a heart for the Lord, and wanting to prove that there’s more to me, that I can be just like everyone else and make bad decisions and mistakes. Talk about a flawed pursuit.

The wonderful thing about it is I’m not the only one doing the pursuing. My Savior, my Jesus, pursued me perfectly and wonderfully and saved my soul. My Father is in constant pursuit, through His Holy Spirit, of my whole heart. So while my pursuit is flawed and imperfect, His is perfect. He could change my heart instantaneously, put an end to the balancing game once and for all, but instead He chooses to lead me through the process of gradual transformation. When I fall or wander off and my pursuit starts to sputter, He meets me and draws me in again. Isn’t that amazing? In order that we might pursue Him better, God pursues us.

Ultimately it’s reassuring to know that my pursuit of God is actually a journey I take with Him. His mercies are new every morning and His Spirit is always with me, guiding me. The journey hasn’t always been, and won’t always be, smooth and without its troubles. But I know where it will leave me. I will end up in the loving arms of the God who moved heaven and earth to save me, who died so all the flaws could be left behind. What an incredible pursuit.