Stick to the Source

Oh goodness, where to start. How about an emotional update? I’m going with the assumption that if you’re reading this in the first place you care in some way about my emotional and mental health. If that’s not true, you may see yourself out and have a good day!

Now then. I’ve been in a fit of frustration since I arrived in London. Initially the frustration had to do with my dreams of this trip fading away into a less-than-appealing reality. Eventually I became frustrated with my faith. I truly trusted that God had a plan and would see me through it, so why wasn’t I feeling at peace? Or happy? Granted, I was impatient to see where that plan would lead (patience isn’t one of my strong suits). I assumed, though, that if I was doing everything right I should be happy and ‘joyful’ and ready to go…that was not the case.

I became frustrated with God because I could not understand why I was still in this place of ‘in-between’. I want to be here…but I want to be home. I’m excited to see museums and parks…but I don’t feel excited. It was like my brain was sending out all of the right signals, but no other part of my body was receiving them. I was reading my books, listening to advice, trying to figure out what I was doing wrong when it hit me. Hit is a strong word, really it just kind of tapped me on the shoulder. I like those moments best. God taps you on the shoulder, ever so gently, and if you aren't seeking Him with all of your heart you may not feel it. I think the subtle things make a relationship so much more meaningful.

I was looking for God in books and friendly advice, and while He can be found there, I never looked to God Himself. I think I was scared to admit to Him directly how I was feeling. Disappointed, scared, frustrated, homesick…isn’t my faith supposed to be bigger than all of those things? But everything started to click together when I read Jeremiah 1:4-5, 8…“The word of the LORD came to me, saying, ‘Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations…Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,’ declares the LORD.”

God knows me. He knows every part of my mind, heart and soul better than even I ever will. He knows how weak I am, how frail my faith is…nothing that has happened in the past four days came as a surprise to Him. He doesn’t want me to run from Him (or around Him, as it were)…He wants me to run to Him, cry on His shoulder, give in to my weaknesses so He can lend me His perfect strength. I knew all of this; I guess I just forgot it somewhere along the way. I still get down, I still miss home (a lot), but anytime I get that feeling like I can’t do this I remember that verse in Jeremiah…“I am with you and will rescue you.” He’ll be with me through this, my friends and family will put up with me constantly Skyping, Facebooking and texting them (or at least I hope so…), and I’ll do all I can here to make every moment of this semester count.

Let’s move on to London stuff! Monday morning I woke up and spent a few hours wandering around the Victoria and Albert museum. The amount of stuff in there is mind-blowing…I’m not sure that’s a good thing, though. It was a little overwhelming, and I thought it was harder to connect with the stories behind the objects when there were so many of them. The jewelry room blew my mind, though. I would like to have a stern discussion with whoever decided women no longer enjoy wearing ridiculously large sparkly things. They were wrong. 

My favorite room was the Cast Hall. Apparently in the 19^th century museums would make life-size plaster casts of various architectural monuments all over the world. Travel wasn’t as easy, so it was a way for everyone back home to ‘see the world’. The room was filled with HUGE casts of amazing monuments (including Trajan’s Column from Rome). Overall verdict: not my favorite museum for content, though there are definitely cool things to see. The museum itself is beautiful, and the café is lovely. I could go here if I needed to get away for an hour or two.

I spent the afternoon wandering around Kensington Gardens. I only saw a small part of the park, but I instantly fell in love. In the middle of a bustling, stressed-out city is an area where Nature rules, utterly unaware that civilization has sprung up around it. I sat, observed, took creeper pictures of people without their knowledge and absorbed the beauty of the day. I can’t wait to see what the other parks have to offer. I have no doubt they will be just as magical.

Today was the first day of classes! I am so glad to finally have a set schedule and things to do. I don’t do well with so much free time…how do you appreciate it if it’s all you’ve got? I loved the class I had today, British Life and Cultures. I’ve already learned so much, but I’m not intimidated or stressed out by the workload, which is exactly how I think school should be (hint hint Great Texts department). Afterward I had a semi-lazy afternoon, reading for class and hanging out with Jesus (much needed, as you read above).

Brittany…have I told you about Brittany? She is lovely, one of my three roommates. I can already tell she’s going to be a real blessing while I’m here. Anywho, Brittany and I walked to the gym we both have memberships at whilst (such a British word) we’re here. Google Maps told me a quick way to get to the gym by cutting through back streets…and I’m so glad we did. We discovered a lovely walk filled with shops and bakeries we will surely re-visit, a beautiful park (unfortunately it’s one of those silly private ones), and small moments of blissful quiet. And I saw the first daschund I’ve seen since I’ve been here; my heart broke a little, but in a kinda good way. I can’t wait to walk the same path and take oodles of picture.

So now you’re all caught up! Thanks for sticking with what turned out to be a pretty lengthy blog. I wish I had some profound sentiment to end on this time…but, on second thought, I’m kind of glad I don’t.

 :)