I wanted my first entry to be about soulmates and this once-in-a-lifetime trip to London…but sometimes life throws you a curveball.
After 9 hours on a plane, customs and baggage claim, dragging around 100 pounds in luggage and carrying said luggage up six flights of stairs, I was completely exhausted. But I couldn’t sleep. All of this went down before 2 in the afternoon, and I had to adjust to a new time schedule. Super. Somewhere in that epic journey, my perspective on the whole experience changed without my even being aware of it. When did I stop being excited and start doubting if I could actually do this? How did I not see it coming?
I spent the majority of the day crying and on the phone with my parents, feeling like a failure and disappointed. My dream had somehow become a nightmare, and the experience I’d always imagined seemed impossibly out of reach. Anxiety started balling up in my chest, and it was all I could do to fend off a full-blown panic attack. I knew exhaustion was partly to blame, but that didn’t stop the thought running through my head: I can’t do this, I just want to go home.
At this point, you might be expecting something like…but then, a guy who looked remarkably like Hugh Grant found me crying. He was enormously comforting as well as charming. We had dinner, he restored my faith in all of my dreams and we are now totally in love. And he loves Jesus. Well, unfortunately, that’s not what came next (believe me, I’m disappointed too).
I did, however, wake up a little less miserable and with a little more hope in my heart. Orientation meetings about all I’ll experience this semester caused a stirring in my stomach…could that be excitement I’m feeling? I met up with a wonderful friend from home (that’s you Laura Palmer!), had a good lunch and finally got to see some good ol’ fashioned historical monuments. Now, as I’m sitting on my bed typing this, my feet are killing me and I can’t wait to take a nap…but I’m no longer planning my escape route.
There’s still a part of me that wants to cut and run; returning home to spend the semester working on my reading list and clocking time at a Barnes and Noble isn’t an unappealing idea. I had a year of college that was filled with crying, anxiety and heart-wrenching misery; it isn’t something I have a great desire to go through again. But that year also gave me a roommate who became one of the best friends I’ve ever had. I formed relationships that have grown and changed in spite of the distance On top of it all my relationship God was utterly transformed. Would I do it all again? Abso-freaking-lutely.
Maybe this semester will turn out to be like that year at W&L, maybe it won’t. I am sure of one thing though, God did this for a reason. All things that come our way must first go through His hands, and “He holds success in store for the upright; He is a shield for those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of His faithful ones” (Proverbs 2:7-8). My prayer at the beginning of this year was for a fire for Him, a deep and all-consuming relationship with Him, and an absolute conviction of His love and glory. He has been answering that prayer every single day since then, and I sincerely doubt He has suddenly stopped.
Go home, stay here, crying or laughing, God is with me in this. I feel as if I have all of the tools I need to deal with what’s ahead, but they’re on the other side of a river. I’m stuck and desperate, unsure what to do or which way I should go. But God is the boat that will get me across, teaching me and guiding me every step of the way.
This blog was supposed to be about travel, London and my semester abroad. But sometimes life throws you a curveball. How lucky am I that I have God as a coach, a god who will help me to hit that sucker out of the park. There will be bases to get around, a whole team of opponents working against me, but in the end I have the assurance that my coach will lead me exactly where I need to be…home.
As I told you before you left Texas, I am so jealous. You are blessed. Not many people get the opportunity to be where you are; doing what you are doing. I know a thousand people who would give anything to be you: young, pretty, smart, living in Kensington, studying in London, with a great, supportive family. I understand what you are feeling: being half way around the world; knowing only a few people. Remember: life is what you make of it. So, exploit this opportunity for ALL IT'S WORTH. Find you a local pub. Learn the publican name. Order you a drink called a "shanti" and talk to people. Tell them you are from America but you currently live there.(which technically is true). Ask them about themselves. Go to the pub everyday for lunch, if you can and get to know the locals. The Brits are great conversationalists. Don't drink too much (make the drinks last) and be careful at night (don't go out alone). You are truly blessed. Enjoy life! I challenge you to find the Greyhound pub on Fulham Palace Road, the General Eliot pub in Uxbridge, and the Black Rabbit pub in Arundel. The Greyhound was my pub when I lived on Fulham Palace Road. The General Eliot was the pub closest to work in Uxbridge. The Black Rabbit pub I visited on a trip to the south coast. Have fun. Uncle Brian
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