Goodness, it’s been so
long since I’ve written! Maybe the urge to do so now is the result of the
change in weather. Autumn is, after all, my favorite season, and the signs of
its impending arrival have my skin and spidey-senses tingling. So much has
happened so far this semester...where do I even begin?
A couple of not so great things have come about. I realized, somewhat
belatedly, that I am behind in credit hours, which translates into me needing
to overload my last two semesters. While this isn’t my ideal situation, I trust
in God’s provision to help me successfully get through it. I’ve also been
dealing with a stubborn illness. I’m on my fourth round of Strep since June,
with the last three rounds coming almost back-to-back in the last month. It’s
been discouraging and frustrating, as well as downright inconvenient! But,
praise the Lord, I am finally starting to feel better with this latest
antibiotic. I just pray I continue to get better and heal, and stay healthy
until December when I can get these blasted tonsils removed!
Well that’s enough of the less-than-wonderful for now. I’m a silver lining kind
of person (somewhat frustratingly so, I’ve been told before), so naturally I
looked for them in these situations. Both have forced me to rely on the Lord,
His provision and strength and, even though that isn’t always fun, it is a
genuinely good thing.
What I really want to talk about this go-around is identity. It’s popped up on my radar consistently this semester,
and I have a feeling it will continue to. My college years have brought new
people into my life at an astonishing rate, blessing me with new relationships
as well as reconfiguring some old ones. I’ve recently started dating someone,
and on top of all of that is the wonderful/terrifying experience of growing up
(whatever that actually means). That’s a lot of new to process.
How does all of that new influence who I am as a person? How does it impact my
identity? Great questions. Confusing answers. I’ve learned a lot about myself
because of the people who have entered my life…I’m a coffee addict, I love
mornings but am actually a night owl, few things make me happier than receiving
flowers, I appreciate thoughtfulness, being ignored may be the thing I hate the
most, I love long conversations with the people I love…all of things I
discovered through or because of my relationships with people very different
from myself. I don’t actually have very many friends who are markedly similar
to me. There are common interests and shared personality traits, but a host of
important differences as well. I feel all the more blessed for that fact.
But it hasn’t all been self-discovery. There has been a lot of self-doubt
thrown in the mix, especially when my own opinions and feelings start to
change. It’s easy for others, and even myself, to wonder if such changes are
personal growth or the result of influence from the people in my life. Do I actually want to do this, or am I doing
it because it’s something they like doing? Do I agree with that, or is it just
easier than disagreeing? Sometimes such doubts are valid, and even if they
aren’t the questions they raise can be constructive and inspire valuable
self-evaluation.
Often, however, those doubts can become things Satan exploits in order to breed
more doubt and insecurity in my life. Instead of feeling secure in my
relationship with someone, I start to doubt myself and the strength of our
connection. I’m talking about friendships, romantic relationships, as well as
relationships with family. Satan loves nothing more than to cause tension and
division, and one of the easiest ways to do that is to take advantage of the
doubts we have about our own identity.
That’s why I’ve found it is so incredibly important to root my identity in the
Lord and who HE says I am. Knowing what He has to say about my identity serves
as a filter for all of the smaller stuff. My likes, dislikes and opinions may
change, but as long as I am faithfully pursuing and obeying the Lord, I can
remain confident that the core of who I am remains unchanged. I also have to
remember how much I love the differences in my friends and family…I would be
disappointed if they tried to alter themselves in order to become more like me!
I love them because of who they are.
Why do I doubt that they feel the same way about me?
Identity is tricky. It’s constantly changing and adapting based on the people
and experiences life throws our way. But that’s why it is wonderfully
imperative that we maintain an intimate relationship with God. He fulfills our
identity, is constantly transforming us into the person He always meant for us
to be, the very best version of ourselves. If we listen He will guide us…grant
us peace when we’re living as we should, allow feelings of discontent when
we’re pretending to be something we’re not. How blessed are we! Identity is a
complex road to navigate, but I’m lucky enough to walk hand-in-hand with my God
who paves the way before me.
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| Curves Ahead |
